/siberia/ - Off-topic

I'm pretty shook up tbh, I figured this was at least pretty anonymous for most types of posting, and I didn't think I'd broken any laws with any of what I've Said. Basically I was just sitting on the couch minding my own business reading a book about slime molds when I hear a heavy knocking on the door, I wasn't expecting anyone but my neighbor is a bit nuts and I thought it might be him, but when I opened the door it was two individuals, a large man and a large woman, and they identified themselves as with the FBI and said that they were here "to talk to me about some posts I'd been making on the forum leftypol"! I couldn't Believe it when the lady agent opened a folder and took out a ruler and compass set. "Mr anon, we see here on your post dated tenth February that you stated your penis was "above average" in length, yet our database has your recorded length as 3.75 inches, well below the national average"

I was shaking and said that it was a profound overreach of the state and first amendment violation to be harassing people about the stated size of their members, and that for one thing there are huge variations in measurement protocols and hardness variations, but she laughed and said the first amendment covers "what comes out of the mouth not what you put into it" which I didn't understand at all. The male officer grabbed me and, well, they performed some tests and Said that they would "set the record straight" and that I am never to misrepresent the data again.

I'm absolutely shaking, I thought this was a free country, but it's worse than Nazi Ukraine.

When they were leaving the male officer cautioned me that also I was gay, and that was going in the files, so now that's official as well.

It's all just fun and games until it isn't